Date : Friday, May 28, 2010
Time : 5/28/2010 12:34:00 AM
Title : Complicated feelings :(

If I were to think of any emotions i'm facing right now, it would be: DEPRESSED.
I'm really sick and tired of life, living in a world of best friends and happy families.. To me, life is nothing. Perhaps i'm just destined to be a failure in life. Nothing just goes right on my journey. I simply dont understand why i'm so ill-fated:(

Whenever i'm alone, I always look back and think, and I reflect. Did I truly have any happy memories that I deserved? Were everyone around me true to me? Or were they just hypocrites passing by in my life? I'm living in doubt, every single day. Sometimes, it doesn't pay to be kind. I remembered clearly how I once tried to cheer someone up when she was upset, but I got pointed by a middle finger in return. That is just how unfair life is.

I'm not trying to make myself sound very noble or whatsoever. I just wanna let the people around me know that I actually did try to put in efforts to maintain those wonderful smiles on their faces.. Smiling is a blessing, everyone deserves to be blessed.

At the same time, for the past 15 years of my life, I always wonder to myself, thinking how it would feel like with a father's love, how it would feel like to be sincerely cared and treated by my family and friends. It would be heart-wrenching to feel like a piece of shit. It exists, but it is greatly avoided and no one would realise its presence and end up stepping on it. If it was ever spotted, it would just end up being flushed down the toilet or thrown into the rubbish bin. Has anyone however, looked at it from another perspective? Yes, it may be something that seems useless. In actual fact, it can be used as fertilisers for crops if a chance is given to it. It creates new life.

I once told someone that i'm a piece of shit, and one i'm one, I will always be one. It's okay, people don feel my presence, dont notice me and sometimes hurt me unknowingly. Although I seem like dont care, but it can actually mean a lot to me. People, look at me closely, look at me deep, there is a lot in me that you have yet to realise...

Am I really irritating that my mom doesnt pick up the phone calls? I just needed her to me that she is fine. It doesn't take a lot of time and trouble, does it? :\ I want and I need more care, that's all.

Haiz.. I'm really feeling ______. I cant describe my feelings now, but I know i'm not happy. Don wanna ponder so much anymore. Shall go to bed.

Goodnights. Goodbyes. Take cares.

Cheryl.

* I'm hurting alot inside, but I will try to smile and be strong :)

** To me, love and care is more than anything else!

Date : Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Time : 5/26/2010 11:59:00 PM
Title : Emotionally tired :\

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the term.. Yet I have to go back to school during the first week of June to have lessons as usual. Terrible terrible terrible.. How miserable! :\

Had chinese lesson the whole day today again.. Doesn't seem to be that bad with breaks and picnics in class xD Munched Pringles and sweets in class while having lessons. Really enjoyed the thrill! xP However, work that needed to be completed were still on.. Comprehension, cloze passage, situational writing, composition, etc. All driving me real crazy. After lesson, we had to stay back for a mock test, which was last year's Chinese Olevels Examinations. Shagged. The weather is terrible. If my perspiration couldn't be evaporated, I think it could fill up a pail! A little too exaggerated though.. 8)

Nothing much to comment about today.. Just some feelings and thoughts perhaps.. Well, I feel tired.. Not just with work, but emotionally too.. Just tired of being the one who apologises all the time, to make everything seem fine again when i'm actually feeling dead and sourish inside. Perhaps getting to know someone too well can make you feel tired.. That's why friends need to be separated for a while so that they can become close again.. It's sort of a "break" or "recess" in a friendship.. (FYI: this is in general, not refering to anyone..) Haiz. Now everyone are in different classes.. I find it harder to communicate now.. Maybe we're from different worlds. I once naively thought that we were close enough to read each others' minds, but yeah, now i'm starting to doubt our friendship.. You never let me know that you were going elsewhere with your other friends. If I didn't have extra lessons today, I would have waited stupidly for you at the foyer.. Ah, I guess this is just part and parcel of life.. Friends come and go.. Only the true ones stay :\

Getting late.. I shall end off here then.
Goodbyes. Goodnights. Take cares.

Cheryl.
26.05.10 (Wednesday)

* Don't throw me aside when you have your friends with you and stick close to me when they're not there. I'm not a substitute, I yearn for true friendship like anyone else T.T

** 5 more days. Worried *~*

Date : Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Time : 5/25/2010 11:26:00 PM
Title : Six more pathetic days..

Six more days to Chinese Olevels Examinations.. I'm starting to fret like everyone else. Everyone's panicking at the eleventh hour.. Trying to receive as much information as possible from the teachers.

Chinese intensive revision for the WHOLE day is such a killer.. Listening to the same voice, same China accent.. Gosh, sick and tired of it :\成语, 谚语, 俗语, comprehension, compositions, situational writing. Just by looking at the books and questions given, I feel so sick.

The lessons are bored to the extent whereby the boys are actually playing PSP or "hibernating" and the girls are gossiping and chitchatting. I brought sweets to class to perk us up. It is exciting to try to put the sweets into your mouth right under the teachers nose xD Well, so far not caught red-handed yet. I'm bringing Pringles to school tomorrow to try to eat in class :D

Anyway, the right side of my back hurts terribly.. I have no idea what happened. I was also late for school today and I ran 5 rounds around the parade square. The bus didn't arrive.. Could it be that the driver had a stomach ache or is it that the departure time of the bus has changed? Haiz! Poor me.. I shall sleep now and wake up earlier tomorrow to find out!

Before I end, I wanna say that my mom is not going for meet-the-parents session! She seems to be really tied down with work, so a phone call with the teacher will do. I'm not sure if the outcome will be the same as meeting the teacher, but at least I don get humiliated in public. I guess that's a good thing :)

I gotta sleep now before I oversleep tomorrow!
Goodnights. Goodbyes. Take cares.

Cheryl.
25.05.10 (Tuesday)

* We're all humans. We need to rest. I'm sure she's working as hard or even harder than us for our benefit. So please, show some basic respect coz she's our teacher.

** Afraid for this Chinese Olevels. Just wanna get it over and done with, with at least an A2!

Date : Thursday, May 20, 2010
Time : 5/20/2010 08:19:00 PM
Title : OMG. I'm such a loser :(

Got back my remaining results today. One word to describe them- PATHETIC.
Biology Paper 1- 27/40
Biology Paper 2- 33/80 (T.T)
English OVERALL- 60/100
Elective Geography- 23/50 (T.T)

Haiz! Im upset today. I go so f-ed up with that darn Rabbit. She's so freaking childish. I dont even know what her problem is. She say she doesnt like me. Come on! Do i even look like i like her? SUCKER. I HATE HER TO THE MAX! I hardly ever talked to her and yet she is such a big KAYPO who eavesdrop on my conversations with other people. All she does is complain complain AND COMPLAIN about me! She claimed that i told the whole class not to talk to her. LIKE HELLO? I have better things to do, bitch. You're no longer in Primary school you know?! Damn you! Still " i don wan to friend you " BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yeah, i so freaking know you are afraid that your friends would all leave you. BUT HEY. WHAT'S YOURS IS EVENTUALLY YOURS. WHAT'S NOT WILL NEVER BE! You are just one plain BITCH! _l_

Enough about that. It makes my blood boil. Well, got to see my English overall marks today.. I thought i was the highest. I thought i could be a winner, but as i looked through the list, i saw someone who actually scored higher than me! I felt like a darn loser. WHY? I lost by that 0.3 marks! T.T My stupid situational writing got me into deep shit. I got 14/30 for it- went out of point. Haiz! NEXT WEEK! Im so gonna start my revision!

There's NPCC tomorrow. Oh God. It's like over for so long already, yet they want us to go back to take pictures and receive prizes? The worst thing is that we have to make our uniforms, with all badges and ranks. I dont want to take the trouble to go and look for all my stuffs. So irritating... It's getting kinda late. Shall prepare my uniform before it gets too late.

So i shall end off here.
Goodbyes. Goodnights. Takecares.

Cheryl.
20.05.10 (Thursday)

* Afraid to face my mom :'(

** Im not gonna care about that ZOE LIM anymore. She should feel honoured to be mentioned in my blog. Im gonna tolerate tolerate and TOLERATE. When i really cannot take it anymore, God knows what's gonna happen >:)

Date : Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Time : 5/19/2010 09:47:00 PM
Title : Slack.

How great!? I overslept today (-.-) I didnt go to school and i didnt get back my papers. Heard about my results from my friends. So disappointing.. Though i didnt fail, but i did badly.
Physics Paper 1- 26/40
Physics Paper 2- 41/80 (LUCKY!)

Chinese- 64/100
English Paper 1- 37/60

Oh my oh my.. I also heard that my English essay was printed out as a model essay? I cant believe it either. I thought i would do badly for it, as in not up to expectations, but i scored 23/30 for it! WOW. Failed situational writing though :( Chinese is expected and im totally disappointed with my Physics paper. Tuition didnt help! Haiz!


I spent my whole day in front of the television and laptop today. Wasted 24 hours of my time. I'm really gonna start my revision next week. Mark my words! I'll do my best to get it done! L1R5 < 20 GO FOR IT!! :D When i woke up this morning, my right arm hurts a lot. I dont know what's wrong.Went to the doctor earlier to get an MC and at the same time asked her about my arm and she just asked me to take Panadol. Some doctor! Family Doctor is so much better than Raffles Medical.

Honestly, nothing much to post about today. Shall end off here then and update when there are things to share and talk about :)


Goodbyes. Goodnights. Takecares.

Cheryl.
19.05.10 (Wednesday)

* Hope i wake up on time tomorrow! I'm worried- to receive my Biology and Geography results :(

Date : Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Time : 5/18/2010 06:05:00 PM
Title : Release of Results :(

AHHHHH..... Back to school today and got back a few papers. Honestly, I am not very happy with the results. Although i heard that i didnt fail for any subjects, my passes are all borderline..
Emath P1- 53.5/80
Emath P2- 54.5/100 (OMG)
Amath P1- 42/80
Amath P2- 48/100
Social Studies- 29/50
English P2- 26/50

Look at all these results! Gosh. It's terrible. I'm seriously so so so so SO D.E.A.D for meet-the-parents session! :( I really don want to receive all my exam papers. They just suck, like how much i suck. Sigh! No point crying over spilt milk :\
Anyway, had P.E. today. Perhaps it was me who did not exercise for quite sometime. I was really tired after walking and running up and down the steps, stretching, jumping jacks and sit-ups. My thighs and tailbone hurts T.T Throughout the whole of the three-period Math lesson, i was feeling so giddy~~ It could probably be that i didnt sleep well last night.. I just kept tossing and turning and just cant get to sleep.

At about 2.45pm, we headed for the hall to go through our English Paper 2. The hall was so stuffy! The Big Ass Fans are of no use. I was perspiring profusely and i kept on scratching and scratching because my rashes acted up again -.- I ran out of medicine too. When the thing ended, i decided to go to the clinic before coming home as the itch was killing me.  Of all times, the clinic was closed when i reached there. Pathetic!! I had to bear with the itch. My mom said that the clinic would be open at 6pm (which is about now), so i guess it's time i should be off to the clinic! :)

Before that, i really, sincerely wanna apologise to QQ.. I didnt mean to laugh at your hair.. Im really sorry. IDK why i just burst out laughing.. Im soooooooooooo super sorry!!! Please forgive me! :X

Ending off here~
Goodbyes. Takecares.


Cheryl.
18.05.10 (Tuesday)

* Chinese intensive revision programme starts from tomorrow. SHITS. How am i supposed to survive those few hours of CHINESE??? D:


** Nervous for 'O' Levels Chinese that's coming this month end. Ganbatte!!! xD

Date : Monday, May 17, 2010
Time : 5/17/2010 11:46:00 PM
Title : Freaky Monday

Yeah, there's no school today, which meant that I had spend my whole day rotting at home, again. It was a terrifying and boring day.. My house was invaded by a bird and I was stuck to the laptop for the whole day..

Well, I woke up at 12pm sharp today and had maggie mee for breakfast. Then I started with neopets and then Audition and I went net surfing.. It was about 3pm-4pm when I suddenly heard some ruffling sound coming from the left side of the living room.. I ignored the sound coz I was rather engrossed in neopets xD The sound got louder and was really irritating. I turned my head to the left and THERE! I saw a bird in my house! I wanted to chase it away but it proceeded into my house kitchen. I thought it would fly out from my kitchen but the windows were all not opened. Holy crap! The bird kept knocking itself against the window to try to get out, but to no avail. I thought of killing the bird. However the thought of having a dead bird in my home scares me more, so I took up the courage, went into the kitchen and opened the windows for the bird to get out. Stupid enough, the bird still didn't want to get out. Until finally, it found it's way out. Thank God. I was praising the Lord man. When I entered the kitchen after that, I smelled a strange odour.. I looked around the kitchen. THE SINK! THE DRYER! THE WASHING MACHINE! and THE WINDOWS! Bird shit. Seriously, I was in deep shit. I had to clear everything up. F that darn bird! Of all houses, it chose mine. IDIOTIC.

The whole thing was so drama-mama.. I was still shivering after the whole thing ended, as in I really shivered like crap.. When I called my mom to explain things, I was still shivering *~* In the evening, I bought char kway teow for dinner. It was tasteless, inedible and disgusting.. I ate less than half a pack and threw it away.. My money.. *fly~* After eating, I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the house.. Tiring..

School tomorrow, gotta wake up at 6.30am. I guess I shall end off here and go to bed now :)

Goodnights. Goodbyes. Takecares.

Cheryl.
17.05.10 (Monday)

* You asked me who, I had no courage to tell you that it was you.

** Why are people liking my status regarding the bird invading my house? :\ Hmmph.

Date : Sunday, May 16, 2010
Time : 5/16/2010 11:59:00 AM
Title : Boring SUNDAY.

Stayed at home the whole day today, apart from going for breakfast and dinner. I didnt even have my lunch. Went to YaKun toast shop for breakfast this morning and proceeded to NTUC to shop for daily neccessities that were running out.. After that, headed home with so many plastic bags and a roll of TOILET PAPER xD


After i returned home, i immediately switched on the laptop and started browsing through Facebook, played Audition, Maple and even Neopets. Cant believe i was that bored either! There was nothing else i could do. As i sat in front of the television and used the laptop, the sky went dark and it started raining heavily somewhere during late evening. I skipped lunch, but ate durian and potato chips!? Weird eh.. At about 7pm, i went for dinner at PizzaHut and was bloated. Thus, went for a walk before returning home again.. Same thing, i switched on the laptop and browsed through the same things. Played Audition with my dear friend :) and here i am blogging..

There's no school tomorrow and i've got no plans. I dont feel like staying at home, but there's nowhere to go. So pathetic right. Well, i've been spending my time alone and suddenly realised that my heart has moved again. I seriously want to stop liking anyone anymore. I dont understand, but i just keep telling myself that i cannot fall for this guy this time, because we're just friends! STUDY, EAT, SLEEP, PLAY. NO MORE LOVE. REMEMBER!!!

Nothing much else to post today and guess i'm just gonna end off here coz it's also getting late.

Goodnights. Goodbyes. Takecares.

Cheryl.

16.05.10 (Sunday)


* To a dear friend: Try not to have your dinner so late frequently yeah? It's not good for your health. Drinks loads and loads of water and take care of yourself :D


** NO, I MUST NOT FALL FOR HIM! >:|  

Date : Saturday, May 15, 2010
Time : 5/15/2010 11:48:00 AM
Title : Just another day :)

Yup, just reached home. Went to City Square Mall at 5pm today for dinner. Had Seoul Garden with my mom and really, we ate a lot. The thought of it makes me feel super guilty. Calories, calories and calories keep adding up; the worst thing is that i havent been exercising :\ OMG, i seriously LOVE the dessert there! Vanilla ice-cream with brownie bits- the chewy and chocolaty bits of brownies were damn delicious and the ice-cream is just so smoooooothhhh~~~ ! :D Bought 3 rings too, for no particular reason xD

No tuition today and i woke up at 12pm today. Sad, i couldnt have my hotc\akes with sausage at macdonalds :( Therefore, i had duck noodles for lunch.. Wasnt really fantastic because the meat were all cold *~* After lunch, i went to get my daily contacts. My mom and the shopkeeper were having an argument as my mom wanted the free gift -.- while the shopkeeper claimed that it was not available. Typical Singaporean.. xD Went home after that and was feeling giddy due to staring at the laptop for that few hours till 5pm.


Headed to grandma's place from City Square Mall. Walked along Little India :S and then watched TV at her place till 11pm.. Hmm, watching 我猜我猜我猜猜猜 now..  I pity those guys who got whacked right on the head xP Nothing much to post about anyway. Before i end, i wanna let someone(who is a guy) know that he doesnt have to be so petty. It was just a joke. Why take things so seriously? It doesnt make you look more cool by showing your attitude, you know. You know what kind of person R is. It is not that i am siding R. It is just that i dont like you to make others unhappy when you YOURSELF is unhappy. What did i do? I merely asked, you didnt have to talk to me that way eh? I know you are trying to stand up for a girl that means a lot to you, but please think of others!

Well, it's getting late. Shall end off here then.
Goodnights. Goodbyes. Takecares.


Cheryl.
15.05.10 (Saturday)

* Eat, play, and sleep is all for today. Studies will resume soon. It's break time for now :)

Date : Friday, May 14, 2010
Time : 5/14/2010 07:09:00 PM
Title : A short little break?

YAY! The Mid-Year-Examination is FINALLY over!! :> I think im gonna take a short break- maybe three to four days- before continuing with my constant revision. I've been really tired these few days, especially last night, whereby i woke up at 5am this morning for no particular reason and all the A.math formulas just started floating around my tiny brain... Haiz! Is this the legendary "STRESS"? xD

Well anyway, I'm sure im gonna flunk this MYE very badly, as usual every year.. Today's A.math paper was horrible.. I didnt even know what exactly i was doing. Though i was able to complete most of them, i 'm still not confident that my answers will be right and for Biology paper 1, it was okay, but there were a few questions i wasnt certain about :\ I guess i'll just have to face everything, pick myself up and go for my goal! :) Now i have to worry about the results and meet-the-parents session. I think i am gonna get a harsh one this time. All my mom does is humiliate me in front of teachers and others and i just gotta tolerate. I dont have a choice :(


Yee Munting just left my home not long ago... We bought KFC back to my place for lunch and watched 败犬女王 on Youtube and i got bored after a while. We just spent our time slacking. She blogged and then she realised she didnt save the whole load of crap she wrote and she got all F-ed up. I laughed :D

Oh! There's no tuition this weekend and yeah, im glad! I can finally go out to get some FRESH air after staying at home for three sickening weeks!!! :D There's nothing much i can post about anymore today, so i shall just end off here :)


Goodbye. Take cares.


Cheryl.
14.05.10 (Friday)


* I wonder what is for dinner tonight.. Im rather full~ ...

Date : Thursday, May 13, 2010
Time : 5/13/2010 06:29:00 PM
Title : Last paper tomorrow! :D

... but there's more to come! Ah well, it's been a while since i last posted, yet again. I've been really busy and tired with all those last minute revisions and stuff. Haiz! I regretted not doing constant revision. Tomorrow's the last paper, yeah. Finally able to put off some load from my aching back! :) A.math and Biology Paper 1, STRESSED! Biology- kills. I'm having A.math tuition in about 15 minutes time, so i guess i'd be studying at that time..

Today's paper was horrendous! I guess i would be seeing an extra underscore in my report book. My mom's so gonna kill me, especially on meet-the-parents session in two weeks time T.T Seriously, im super worried, but what is done is done. I cant cry over spilt milk anymore. I just gotta face the music. Even my other papers, i think i have done badly for all of them. I'm so gonna mug mug MUG during the june holidays and make sure i do well! I CAN DO IT! (If i dont, please smack me xP)


Remember, according to my previous post, i quarrelled with a really really good friend of mine? Yeah, we had never talked to each other since... Till that day, i saw her on MSN and i tried to clear the air. True enough, it was all a misunderstanding!  Why oh why did my impulsiveness cause all these to happen? Well, i decided not to harp on it anymore and continue with life. I'm not sure if the both of us would ever be friends again, but there's one thing for sure- that we will never be as close as before. I really really wanna tell her how much i treasured the friendship and i SWEAR that i have NEVER in my life tried to put her down and humiliate her. This incident, is nobody's fault, but there's one person... I'm not sure if im prejudiced against her, but she's just the first person in my whole life who i really thought of killing. My heart just kept telling me that it was her to cause all these to happen. We'll see how things go.. Now i think i have learnt to treasure my friendships after a good cry back then :) Now i cherish the people around me and i shall carry on life with a phrase : "Keep your comments to yourself".


Hmm, the A.math revision i have been doing for the past 2hours is killing me. I guess I shall end off here and get prepared for tuition. Oh yeah, one more thing.. I really really hope my mom can spend more time with me. I just want more of her love and care.. Haiz!


Yee Munting is coming to my place tomorrow and i gotta clean up my house! TSK. xD With that, i end off here..


Goodbye. Takecares.

Cheryl.
13.05.10 (Thursday)


* For now, life is all about sleep, eat, play and study. LOVE, i will wait for it till it comes to me naturally :D